Two Point Hospital… where do I even begin? It is a harmless game, it is alright at being entertaining and it is alright at existing. I honestly cannot say whether or not I like it, though. There’s a lot to like about it, but it just doesn’t quite scratch that itch I was expecting. Two Point Hospital actually reminds me a lot of the show Grey’s Anatomy. A show plagued by drama but with very little consequence.
In the game you are tasked with creating and running a hospital, several in fact. With each new hospital you unlock new wards and options for how you’d like to pursue to build up said hospital. For a time, this is a lot of fun. After a while, however, it begins to drag out.
During each hospital campaign you’ll come across a new wave of crises which have to be dealt with. These can range from an epidemic of broken bones to a town that are so mentally unwell it may as well be renamed Freudtown.
Sure these crises add an extra layer of challenge to the game but there’s still relatively little consequence if you fail. The majority of the time it’s hard to fail as you get to choose whether or not you accept the random influx of patients. Simply speaking; if you don’t have the facilities for the objective then don’t accept it.
Two Point Hospital has a very friendly and happy aesthetic, despite the colossal amount of deaths and grievances you’ll experience. The NPCs all have smiley faces and coincidentally like to take the piss when it comes to their finances, a parody of the American healthcare system, I’m sure.
So what is the objective of running each hospital and why rank each up to get a new one? Well…you get to unlock new equipment and get larger hospitals to play around with. Obviously, this is all nullified if you decide to simply jump into the non-campaign modes. That being said, if everything was locked behind the campaign mode then that would be a bit naff.
One of the many disappointing elements to Two Point Hospital is that the mods add absolutely nothing. It all seems to be very safe, politically correct cosmetic shite. The mods alter the aesthetic of the hospitals; new boards, carpets and portraits. That’s pretty much it. There are no wacky machines, nor sinister events, which you might expect…cosmetics.
For the life of me I don’t know what would incentivise someone to play through the entire campaign. Nor do I get what would make someone play the game religiously; there’s really not much to do.
Progressing through the array of hospitals does lead you into temptation. As each hospital, typically, is grander than the last the majority of people will want to expand as hard as they can. This is a silly idea. Rapid expansion will only lead to misery, for the unfortunate sods on the ground and for yourself. You’ll receive alert after alert telling you of your inadequacy.
What you should do instead is read the description of the hospital before launching it. Is it a rich town who have mental issues or is it near a ski resort? When you find that information out you can build accordingly. All that needs to be done, initially, is to build the rooms most required for that town. Build a few rooms so you’re able to see the most desired diagnoses then wait. You’ll start to accumulate money very quick and will have the war chest filled for when you inevitably expand.
Once your patients has worn off or you’ve acquired a small fortune then build all the rooms and hire all the staff in one fell swoop. You’ll be up and ready for all of the crises and it doesn’t take long for the hospital to flourish after this.
After maxing out several hospitals I got rather bored of this whole affair. To save my time and my care for this product I booted up the quick play, chose the biggest hospital in the game and began anew. In Two Point Hospital’s favour, it does feature a fair amount of hospitals. Why anyone would want to max out each one in the campaign though, is beyond me.
The final hospital is grand, like you’d expect. As it’s the last hospital this means you have all the rooms, illnesses and crises unlocked. To be fair, it’s fairly good at balancing these things out, you don’t find yourself getting the same crises over and over. It keeps you on your toes in an attempt to not be boring. So, that’s nice.
This all I really have to say about the game. It’s a harmless little sim which you can sink a few hours into and occasionally let out a single grunt-like chuckle. The game may just not be my cup of tea, I don’t know. What I do know is that there was a lot of potential here and it feels squandered by pampering to a young audience. There’s nothing offensive and nothing which can be implemented to make it more adult.